5 Simple Ways to Raise Confident Kids with Words

I want to raise confident kids. I want my kids to know their value.

As a former kid I remember drowning and self-doubt and second-guessing every choice I made.

I want more for my kids. As a parent, I have the privilege of raising children who are confident. There are so many ways to cultivate confidence, but here I’m going to focus on the power of our words (more on that here).

James (3:4) compares our words to a small rudder steering the ship. He’s saying our words seem small, but they are quite powerful. So how can we use our words to grow confident kids?


Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. ~1 Thessalonians 5:11


Catch your kids doing good and point it out.

It’s very easy to get into the habit of pointing out naughty behavior, but try pointing out the positive instead. We all appreciate recognition for doing the right thing.

A few ideas of what to point out:

  • A job well done.
  • Taking initiative.
  • Working hard.
  • Obeying the rules.
  • Acting responsibly.


Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. ~1 Peter 4:10-11


Compliment their strengths.

Complimenting your child’s strengths is an important confidence builder. Every person is blessed with different talents to be used for God’s glory.

It is also important to remember to point out inward or character strengths. Character strengths don’t fade with time. Beauty does.

A few ideas of what to point out:

  • Peacekeeping with friends and siblings.
  • Seeking others above themselves.
  • Gentleness with little ones or pets.
  • Demonstrating kindness.
  • Sharing toys.
  • Obeying the rules.
  • Serving others.
  • Forgiving offenses.
  • Apologizing and taking responsibility.


Let them make decisions.

This one is a tough one at times. We, as parents, have more experience in the decision-making arena. It’s easier to tell our kids what to do, but more beneficial to let them learn from their choices. Children learn far more for making decisions rather than being told what to do.

It’s better to learn and fail under the loving guidance of parents, in the safety of their home than to have no decision making experience.

You’re probably wondering what to do when the choice your child has made does not pan out. View it as an opportunity to learn and grow. As parents we get to come along side and offer grace and encouragement. We can share a time when our own choices didn’t pan out. We get to celebrate an opportunity to learn. Each opportunity leads to confidence.

A few ideas of decision-making opportunities:

For the younger ones:

  • Meal options.
  • Outfit options.
  • Family movie night options.
  • Game options.
  • Chore options.

Older ones:

  • Bedtime options.
  • Time management options.
  • Extracurricular activity options.
  • Serving and volunteer opportunities.

Say “Yes”!

I’m a “no” girl at heart. Questions of “Can I ___” lead to a change in my planned out day. Saying “Yes” when the question “Can I ___” comes up, encourages my kids to be independent thinkers. They get to chase their desires and I get to encourage them with a simple yes. The result? Confident decision-makers.


Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ~2 Corinthians 5:17


Teach them who they are in Christ.

I saved the best for last here. This is the most important way to use your words.

We are all made for love and belonging. Our children must be confident in who they are in Christ. We all seek love. We all want to belong. That love and belonging is ultimately found in Christ (more on that here). The love and belonging found in Christ is unchanging and everlasting. It is not dependent on our performance or our circumstances. That is the security and confidence that cannot be shaken.


I want to raise kids who are filled with doubt and uncertainty… Said no one. Ever. Our words are powerful. So why not use our words to cultivate confidence in our kids?

5 ways to use words and cultivating confident kids.

  • Catch your kids doing good and point it out.
  • Compliment character strengths.
  • Let your kids make decisions.
  • Say yes!
  • Teach them the Truth about their identity in Christ.

These five simple tips yield big results and quick wins!



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