Marriage Advice for Wives

christian marriage advice for wives

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Marriage advice… for wives? I smile as I reflect on almost 18 years of marriage. Since this is a site authored by a Christian counselor, you would think I would write marriage advice from the perspective of therapist. But no. Today I’m going to write from personal experience.

Let’s get started with our purpose in marriage…

We are made for a purpose – bring God glory. We accomplish this from the tiniest acts of obedience all the way up to the grandest scale. This very truth is applicable to marriage. As I look back over the past 18 years of marriage, I can now see how often I pursued my own purposes rather than the purposes of God.

I wasted a lot of years living life this way. I wish I could tell you that I’ve arrived as a wife, but this journey will not end the side of heaven. In total transparency, I could write a book and it would be titled, “How to Ruin Your Marriage One Choice at a Time”.

For the sake of time, I’m going to share a piece of marriage advice that got my role as wife lined backup with God’s purpose for my life. The result? I’m living more in line with God’s purpose-bringing more peace and joy.

As I share this advice, keep a few things filed away…

  • This advice will not change whatever challenges you face in your marriage. See, this advice is for you, not him. You are only in control of you and your own choices.
  • Let your goal be to bring God glory by living His purpose for your life. If your goal is to change your husband (by changing yourself), you will be frustrated and give up.
  • Don’t let your circumstances guide your choices. Rather, let God’s Word and His purpose for your life guide your choices.

Are you ready to dive into this marriage advice I keep talking about? I want to warn you in advance, that you’ve heard this before if you’ve been a Christian for any period of time. But stay with me! I’m going to unpack the lies we believe that keep us from acting on what we know.

The enemy wants nothing more than to keep you from your God-given purpose as wives. I made the mistake of thinking my marriage was unique therefore, God’s purpose didn’t apply to me. Don’t make this mistake!

All right, let’s do this…

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Marriage Advice for Wives

Let your husband lead. Wait! Don’t go! There’s more…

“Wives, follow the lead of your husbands as you follow the LORD. The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. The church is Christ’s body. He is it’s Savior. The church follows the lead of Christ. In the same way, wives should follow the lead of their husbands in everything.” ~Ephesians 5:22-24

As a Christian wife you’ve heard this a million times, but it’s foundational to a great marriage.

These three verses spell out the marital roles quite clearly. It’s not complicated. My husband’s job is to lead and my job is to follow. It sounds so simple. Right? It is simple, as long as everyone is doing their job… Uh oh, it just got complicated.

Let’s set the stage. Marriage is a union between a husband and wife. Both are sinners doing the best they can in a broken world.

So often we get caught up in role confusion. Wives try to lead, men begin to follow. In the short run this may get the job done, however we are ultimately living outside of God’s design for marriage.

Either we trust God’s design or we don’t. After all, He is the Creator of the World and Master of the Universe. He probably knows a thing or two about marriage since He authored it.

In my own marriage, I made excuses for taking the lead. I essentially told God, “I would do it Your way, but my situation is different”. I hear many other women making the same excuses I did…

Wives commonly buy into three lies.

  1. He won’t step up and take the role of leader.
  2. He doesn’t make wise decisions.
  3. I know better.

Have you ever bought into any of these lies?

More Christian Marriage Advice

Choose God’s design. No. Matter. What. Our obedience is the direct route to a purpose driven life. Never let another’s behavior send you down a different path than the one God designed for you.

Our obedience is the direct route to a purpose driven life. Never let another’s behavior send you down a different path than the one God designed for you.

Lie #1

Maybe your husband isn’t diving into the role of leader, but taking over the role for him isn’t going to get him there. It only gets the job done in the short run. You’ll wind up chasing quick wins rather than looking long-term.

Lie #2

Maybe he doesn’t make wise choices in your opinion… So you take over. I’m going to offer a couple of possibilities here. One, he truly has a pattern of making unwise decisions, but consider this. The best life lessons are born out of failure. Get out of the way and let God do the work (Romans 8:28). Or two, he is stepping into the role of leader and it’s not looking the way you imagined. So you take over.

Lie #3

You think you know better. While I bought into all three lies – this one was the biggest for me. As a therapist I felt totally equipped (A.K.A. always had an opinion) to offer input regarding our marriage and parenting. All. The. Time. Imagine being married to me! Yikes! There is always more than one way to do things. Always.

The root of all three lies is fear. Fear of the outcome. Fear can lead us to control and take over. I encourage you to step into your fear and let it drive you to prayerful dependence on God.

Encouragement

Remember, the role of leader over a home and family is a tremendous amount of pressure. Your husband wants to do it well-believe that! As wives we have the privilege to encourage, love and pray for our spouses.

Stepping into the role of follower is a big shift if you’ve been leading. Prayerfully identify a few areas you need to start with. This shift will throw off the balance in your home for awhile, but push through. Keep your eyes on Christ and His design for your marriage.

Keep in mind that everybody and every marriage is unique. I don’t want your take away to be a picture of barefoot and pregnant and calling him Sir! But I do want you to evaluate the roles in your marriage. It’s a great conversation to have with your spouse.

Marriage Advice for Wives Wrap-up

It’s easy to find yourself in role confusion in marriage. God’s design for marriage is husbands lead and wives follow. As wives we buy into lies such as, “My husband won’t lead”, “He makes unwise choices” and “I know better”.

We make excuses for doing marriage our own way because we’re afraid of the outcome… So we control and take over the lead.

As you step into the role of follower remember that your husband wants to do well-believe that. It’s a privilege to be the encourager and prayer warrior for your spouse. Let your end goal be to live out God’s purpose for you in your marriage, all for His glory.

What area are you going to stop leading today? Leave a comment!

Are you frustrated by marriage? Would you like to learn some new strategies to improve your marriage today?

Need a few new strategies for relating well in your marriage? Change can start with one! Check out online Christian Counseling.

Free Christian Marriage Toolkit


Check out “10 Tips for Navigating an Unequally Yoked Marriage” here.

Check out “3 Common Mistakes Made in Marriage” here.

53 Comments

  1. DD on June 18, 2018 at 1:01 am

    I have followed the Godly principles of my husband leading with giving my advice as prompted; however, that has led to much martial/financial distress and ruin in our case. I trusted God, prayed and prayed over decisions he made that eventually failed. He listened to others and did not value my input. Now, we are left with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt. He now seems to make decisions and communicate with me after acknowledging God first. I feel fearful because it puts me in space of no protection financially, spiritually and emotionally. I am praying that God will guide the 2nd half of our marriage because this first half has been a definite challenge. I have to trust God because He is all that I have. I am at a point of just being still and waiting on God. I have to trust God. He says trust and not lean to my own understanding.

    • Sunshyne on June 18, 2018 at 6:30 am

      Hi DD, I’m so glad you shared this testimony of persevering in the face of distress. It is so easy to jump ship and blaze our own trail rather than continuing to live out God’s purpose for us (in this case being wife by God’s design). I love that over the course of time your husband is “acknowledging God first” and communicating with you now. Also, you said “I am at the point of just being still and waiting on God”…the peace of God surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Your testimony is an encouragement to many in a similar situation. Thank you again for sharing!

      • Diana Windsor on August 10, 2018 at 6:00 am

        Are you all nuts? The woman and her family are in financial ruin and you are telling her to stick with that husband? Men leading? Sounds like a trap. Men who make poor decisions need to learn how to compromise and work together with their wives. Women are not here to be obedient to men. What is this, a middle eastern country or the U.S.A. ? Women, wake up and stop letting men rule your lives and using God as a lame excuse to do it.

        • DD on August 10, 2018 at 6:54 am

          Thank you for the opportunity to respond to the last comment after my initial post. Yes, my marriage has experienced major challenge cause by poor choices. I’m not some sad sack without any direction myself. I choose to live my life by Godly principles and my “waiting on God” includes working as well. We make decisions together that are best for our entire family. People make mistakes and are weak in their lives. We have all been there! I choose to forgive and rely on that forgiveness that I’ve been extended in my life as well from God. The Bible says to Trust in the Lord and lean not to your own understanding and He will direct your path. I trust God! I trust God! And for that the path has been directed, cleared and made a new. God bless you!

        • Kristina on September 1, 2018 at 7:42 am

          Diana, I’ll pray for you. God is not a lame excuse used to be obedient to men. God gave us a life manual. Whether you are in the Middle East or the U.S.A, God is in control. Often when us women, and yes I say us women (including myself), think we know better we put ourself in self destruction. If being obedient, God will always bring you through… did you not read that going through that has not brought her husband to a deeper step in faith by acknowledging God first…sometimes that’s the point. God never fails, and he’s always on time!

        • AM on April 22, 2019 at 3:46 am

          Your missing the whole point. It is in the hardest, darkest times that our faith is tested. It is those, in their worst times that lean on God, and hand it over to Him with full trust and patience that receive blessing long term.

          • Patricia on May 12, 2019 at 6:42 pm

            Well, I do know the Bible says about husbands and wives. But, as you said, every marriage is unique and yet similar in some ways. My concern is; when the husband refuses to communicate or talk with the wife. The husband don’t support his household. But took up other interest or a hobby and the wife is left alone or outside. Even though she has shared her concern about it. The husband comes and leaves when he gets ready. The husband don’t or won’t tell the wife where or when he is going. Now they sleep in separate rooms because the husband won’t buy a new bed. Because the first bed had to be thrown out, because of bed bugs. There’s much more to this story. But the wife is a Christian and the husband not so much anymore.



          • Sunshyne on May 15, 2019 at 1:02 pm

            Patricia, thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry you feel so alone. And it’s doubly hard when your spouse doesn’t seem to desire to get the marriage back on track. Here is a link to an article about unequally yoked marriages. I hope you find it helpful. Praying for you. https://sunshynegray.com/10-tips-for-unequally-yoked-marriages/



        • Desiree on March 29, 2020 at 5:55 am

          I’ve been trying to deepen my faith with God and become more Godly. So I took the leap of doing some research on what that means. Articles like this are what prevent me from being FULLY christian. According to what the Bible says that is. I’m sorry, but I can’t accept that men were born to lead us. That’s the type of thinking that oppressed women for so many generations. So if my fiancé (once we are married I guess?) says that I am to have sex with him, but I’m not in the mood, am I supposed to say yes sir! If he is going to make a detrimental decision to our family— drink time excess every day, do I stick by that? Or he wants to put us in extreme debt, I say okay? None of these things are occurring—I’m speaking hypothetically here. But I’m struggling to understand this. To say the man is supposed to lead is saying that women are inadequate, lesser, not as intelligent or capable. That we are incompetent without them. WHAT?

          • Novella on May 20, 2020 at 10:45 pm

            Desiree, hi, though I don’t know you I long to address your heart and not just speak what I know to be true. The act of submission is a deeply personal act, that only you can commit yourself to – no one else can make you do that so I want to speak sensitively because Christ so loves and desires your heart to His beauty and His trustworthiness. While this blog/article is very rich, it presumes on a lot of foreknowledge and acceptance of biblical submission and what exactly it does and does not mean. There are a few articles on desiringgod.org that have really helped me grasp and personally accept God’s plan on creating man and woman with unique roles as not a matter of greater and lesser but designed to compliment one another. That it’s not a matter of a woman who submits to her husband being inadequate, but a marriage where that isn’t happening is inadequate because of the way God made our hearts as man and woman respectively. I’m not a theologian nor do I believe I’m even articulating the truth of God very well but I would ask that you read this: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/six-things-submission-is-not This website has a wellspring of truly biblical resources for all aspect of life including marriage. John Piper has also written a very insightful short book entitled Recovering biblical Manhood and Womanhood that I very highly recommend for what youre wrestling through. I’m praying God use these resources to soften your heart to His word. In Love, Novella



      • Christina on March 14, 2020 at 12:03 pm

        Sadly I’ve had more than one partner & broke relationships because of their poor decisions. It’s very hard for me to submit to my now husband when he doesn’t seek GOD but instead follows his manly instinct.

        • Christina Kinsey on September 13, 2020 at 11:29 am

          I dont believe in male headship , being the decsion maker in a marriage is something each couple should decide for themselves. Lets say as somone who is contetedly widowed , if l ever married again , l would not marry a man who believes in biblical marriage. One good thing about being past childbearing age is, if l do decide to have a realtionship other than marriage, there wont be any consequences…

    • Eileen on August 3, 2019 at 5:29 pm

      I can second your experience. My husband followed other people’s advice to his ruin and is soon to be a convict and awaiting judgement on jail time. He used to be serving actively in Sunday school etc. I no longer believe in this any more. It has to be within a reasonable context. Sometimes, you have to step in as Abigail, before Nabal ruins the entire family.

  2. Nicole Bailey on June 18, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    Sunshyne – This was amazing and so true! Wives (myself included) love jumping the gun for our men because we think we know better, or can do better. Its a battle I fought a lot at the beginning of my marriage.

    I love that you remind us that our husbands do WANT to do well as husbands, its easy to forget that as mush we we want to succeed as wives they do too.

    Marriage with purpose is an amazing fact, me and my hubby like to revert back to our “vision board” for our marriage to keep us on track in the purpose and point of marriage which essentially is to bring glory to God!

    Keep up the great work!

    • Sunshyne on June 19, 2018 at 7:27 am

      Thanks Nicole! Love the “vision board”. It is so helpful to be reminded of our purpose in marriage…it’s so easy to get off track.

  3. Connie Junkin on June 29, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    Ok here is my question-he will ask me questions about what to do and then when I have input he has a habit of never taking it. Should I just tell him “you are in the lead” and not give input? Also should I tell him I will follow you lead?

    • Sunshyne on July 2, 2018 at 11:52 am

      Hi Connie! That’s a great question…applying God’s Word takes wisdom. There is no one answer. Every marriage is unique in how they apply the Word. I would suggest you have a candid talk with your hubby about his lead. Ask questions about his feelings and experience as the leader of the home. Ask him how you could support him in his role. I wonder if him asking your input is really seeking support. Ask him about that. God delights in your desire to live in His purpose in your marriage. Blessings!

    • Rachel on December 1, 2019 at 8:21 pm

      There’s a difference between “input” and “telling him what to do.” If the expectation is that once you give him input he’ll do whatever you suggested, then it isn’t input you’re after, it’s being the decision-maker.

      Mpst women have been known to ask questions like, “which shoes do you think are better, the blue or the black?” And then husbands can get frustrated when we make a different choice. But we didn’t want them to make that decision FOR us; we wanted their input, so we could consider it along with all other factors before WE made the choice.

      When our husbands make the important decisions that are part of leading our families, it’s the same thing. If they just ask us what we think and then do that, they aren’t really leading at all; we are. A responsible leader considers the input along with the other information available and makes the decision he believes is best for the entity (in this case the family/household) he leads.

  4. Lisa on August 23, 2018 at 3:51 pm

    There’s a lot of truth spoken here! As a wife who has trouble stepping out of the way and letting her husband lead, this article really resonated with me. The idea of submission is such a taboo topic in secular culture, and yet the Bible is very clear on our roles in marriage. Because of the worldly view on this issue, I’ve found it difficult to understand what Christ-like submission looks like. Your article does a really nice job of that.

    • Sunshyne on August 24, 2018 at 10:49 am

      Hi Lisa! Thanks for stopping by:) I also have a hard time stepping out of the way! It’s a choice I have to intentionally make. You are absolutely right about it being taboo in our secular culture…I get emails from this particular article often, with ladies really upset that I would advocate such an idea. Definitely controversial! Side note: I checked out your blog…great niche. So many extra challenges in being a military wife/spouse. Praying for you as you endeavor to reach and support military spouses!

  5. Brianna Diaz on August 27, 2018 at 9:56 am

    My husband wants me to do fasting(for spiritual reasons) eventhough I am diabetic. Am I supposed to even if it means risking compications?

    • Sunshyne on August 27, 2018 at 10:36 am

      Hi Brianna! That’s a really good question. I love that your husband desires to lead your home spiritually and wants to fast for a period with you. I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with your doctor (when your husband can join you) and see what your doctor recommends. He may be able to help you come up with a modified fast. Blessings!

      • Beryl on December 20, 2018 at 1:04 pm

        That wasn’t a very nice or wise thing to tell her. If she is diabetic, she should never do fasting. Her husband ought to know better, and he is not giving himself, or being sacrificial, and nort submitting to God if he asks her to put her health in harms way. That’s disobedience.
        . God knows that her health comes before her following something that could hurt her. We shouod stop telling wives to blindly follow their husbands, just because he is a husband. Husbands are human, and often, wrong about things and yes, a wife does have the right to question things if those things are dangerous to her or her children.
        The husbands are not Jesus, only given a role as head in the marriage. Men are human and are sinners and will stand in judgment, just like wives.

        • Felicia on May 5, 2019 at 4:48 pm

          Felicia
          I am so happy to go through your write up. Really, the issue of submission in God’s perspective is very possible . Even as a Christian, it’s still a bit of a challenge to me because my husband doesn’t see things in light of God’s word so there is role confusion. Many times, when I suggest things to him, he feels that am claiming too much that I know God. My issue is I desire him to know God personally because a lot of things will fall in place if that is done. I need ur prayers please. His name is Paul. Thank you.

          • Sunshyne on May 6, 2019 at 10:29 am

            Hi Felicia, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and prayer request…I’m praying for Paul:) Also, a book suggestion- “Winning Him Without Words” by Lynn Donovan. I hope this book gives you encouragement and practical ways to shine the light of Christ to your unbelieving spouse.



        • Meghana on March 23, 2022 at 8:33 pm

          It’s not that diabetics don’t fast. As a doctor u c muslims fast month long during Ramzan. So like it was suggested she should definitely c the doctor WITH her husband. That would b a wise thing to do

  6. Thays on August 29, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    I really enjoyed everyone’s comments here. I am a woman trying to embrace marriage for a second time. Studying God’s word with my husband has helped me understand and apply this “obeying” command much better. Today, I gladly and happily follow my husband’s lead because God also speaks to him. He knows that leading means ” Ephesians 5:28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives.”. I know when my husband leads, he does it well because he loves me and his desicions will show it to God.

    • Sunshyne on August 30, 2018 at 10:26 am

      Thanks for sharing Thays! What a blessing to that you and your spouse are seeking God’s Word together and he sounds eager to lead in God’s grace.

    • Fiona on April 25, 2022 at 11:15 am

      She already knows that she shouldn’t even think about even a ‘moderate fast’. The issue here is that her husband knows that she shouldn’t fast as a diabetic, yet he is expecting her to do just that. The advice given here should be to get to the bottom of why her husband wants to disregard medical advice and put her health in danger. I really wish people would stop going to unqualified people on internet websites for advice.

  7. BrokenWife on September 22, 2018 at 9:25 am

    I let my husband lead, but he will not have sex with me. We’ve been married for 10 years. I used to try all the time and was repeatedly shot down. We have had sex, but it is frequently a year or more between times. I have always been open about wanting sex, but he does not desire it. When we do have sex, it is very quick, no touching, and it’s over when he is done. I feel like I am still longing for a relationship because I do not feel loved by my husband. I have prayed for help, but I can’t escape my sin of lust because I never get sex with my husband. I am at my breaking point. We can make our marriage wonderful in almost every way, but if my husband does not like sex, how does that get fixed? He turned me down the other night, and I immediately started having lustful thoughts about other men. Then I became angry that I’m being driven to that point. He knows that it’s killing me and damaging my self-esteem and our relationship, but he doesn’t try to fix it or get help. What do I do?

    • Sunshyne on September 24, 2018 at 1:14 pm

      It sounds like you feel very much alone in your marriage which often affects so many other aspects of life. There are so many intricacies in what you have shared that it would be impossible to address in the comments of this article. I want to recommend that you and your spouse seek marriage counseling together. There are likely many other things going on beneath the surface of your marriage. If he is unwilling to attend counseling, you should seek Christian counseling alone to help sort through this delicate topic. This article will help you begin to find godly counsel… https://sunshynegray.com/5-elements-of-christian-counseling/

  8. Yolinda on October 16, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Thanks for writing this. I have a few married friends who is not a believer and their marriage start to fall off.
    Whats the best advise to give if they dont believe in God in the first place?

    • Sunshyne on October 18, 2018 at 8:48 am

      Hi Yolinda! Thank you for stopping by! That’s a great question…I find that when I have the opportunity to share the love of Christ it’s in one of 2 ways…by example or words. Pray about sharing your personal testimony of your marriage by God’s design or simply setting a godly example.

  9. Belinda on October 26, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    Hi ladies
    Thanks for your advices, but can you please tell me what should I do my husband is distant with me he tells me hes lost intrest in sex and he never spends time with me as he used to before having a child and we always fight about our finances he says he feels less of a man because he always has to ask me to assist him financially n I do because I love him but still am just confused of how do I become submissive as a wife so that he can lead as the head of house

    Please please I need your help

    • Sunshyne on October 30, 2018 at 2:10 pm

      Hi Belinda, You are not alone in what you are going through, many other spouses are faced with the disconnected marriage and are left wondering why. It would be difficult to answer your question in such a small space. I would recommend you reach out and seek counseling as a couple. If your husband is unwilling, then seek godly counsel for yourself. Check out this link to find some resources for Christian counsel near you or online… https://sunshynegray.com/5-elements-of-christian-counseling/

  10. Nolly on November 15, 2018 at 12:36 pm

    Thank you for a great article. I love it. I have a question. Because of the financial status of my husband, everything is in my name. The house, car, bills…whatever you can think of. He definately provides financially to cover the bills. But he is not the best in financial administration, often cannot resist credit and as a result my name has been badly marred by his wrong decisions. How do I allow him to take the lead in everything including finances while it jeopardizes our financial standing and even my own credit score? The line of work I am in requires a clean credit score so even that can get jeopardized. We have 3 children and my income is critical for our sustenance.
    Thank you.

  11. Nolly on November 15, 2018 at 12:41 pm

    I have another question. My husband had an affair with a lady from church. The lady still attends church with us and they are still in contact behind my back. How do I continue to submit when he continues to lie and hurt me? We make agreements about boundaries but he consistently breaks them. He makes promises but he constantly breaks them. We have children and I hate that our home is often tense and sad because of this continuing situation of lies and sneaking around by my husband.

    • Sunshyne on November 19, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      Hi Nolly, Thank you for opening up about your marriage…it takes a lot of courage to reach out. In answer to your question about how to submit when your husband is continuing in dishonesty about a relationship with another woman…in a situation of continued unfaithfulness you don’t submit. I would recommend you seek assistance from the leadership of your church and godly counsel for how to respond as a result of unfaithfulness and his choice to continue in this behavior. I’m so sorry you are being faced with such a heartbreaking situation. Please contact me via email for specific resources.

  12. Food for Thought #43 | The Sparrow's Home on July 7, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    […] Marriage advice for Christian wives … at Sunshyne Gray .  Ouch.  I saw myself in this.  Have you ever thought these things?  […]

  13. AnneA on July 27, 2019 at 1:22 pm

    Hi Sunshyne,thank you for sharing the article below,truth is it feels good when you get people who agrees with you on wrong things you have decided upon,I have been failing in the area of keeping jobs only because I want things done my way, I want to wake up the time I want to ,leave work anytime I want to and it has also affected my marriage because now from time to time I find myself wanting to resign and my husband does not agree with that,I have used the word of God against him that God only told men to work not women.Im going to ask The Lord to help with this weakness, since it has roots I need prayer also, this is the first time I actually open up about this weakness and I am happy I did.

    • Sunshyne on August 3, 2019 at 2:46 pm

      Hi Anne:) Thank you for sharing so transparently! Lifting you up friend..

      • Ana on August 29, 2019 at 9:26 pm

        What if you led your husband lead and nothing has helped financially, spiritually and emotionally. No communication because all we do is argue, don’t agree on everything. Life has just turned upside down. I’ve let god work his miracle and nothings happening

  14. Hannah on September 27, 2019 at 9:56 am

    Thank you for this article! I have trouble letting my husband lead because I have such a strong personality that likes to lead and be in control. Before I even read this, I had been convicted about not letting him fulfill his given role. Your article brought it all together for me and made so much sense. I am definitely going to be looking at handing over the reins to him in a couple of areas and trying to involve him more in the financial side of things as well. Blessings!

  15. Jennifer on January 28, 2020 at 12:04 pm

    What do you do when your husband just won’t step up and lead? I try to fall back and when I do things don’t get done. We are newly married about a year and we have had to many arguments that my husband has totally shutdown and stonewalls. He closes himself off and I try to talk to him but nothing is working. I’ve read numerous books and tried to get him to read them too but he starts and then quits. I try to follow what the christian marriage books says to do but I get frustrated because it seems he just isn’t coming around and he’s just stuck in park! I talk to him everyday about what God wants him to do and how I feel and asking him what can I do to help but nothing is changing. I’m so frustrated. The other night I thought things were fine and all I did was go into the bedroom to read a book. We always wait for each other to go to bed and I was just reading waiting on him and he comes in the room all grumpy because I had left him in the livingroom while he was perusing his phone. I can’t win. I don’t know what to do anymore and I try to read book after book and am going to church now. I have joined a women’s church group. I pray. I am trying to be nicer and respect my husband more but nothing is changing with him and I get angry because he’s just not coming around . HELP!

    • Sunshyne on March 21, 2020 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Jennifer! This response is late, but you have been on my mind! First, I want to tell you that I have felt the same early in my marriage. But- if there is anything I wish I could do over, it would be to focus on my own role as a wife rather than my husbands role as a husband. I did more damage than good by “helping” him. He is new to marriage too, give him time to grow and learn in his time and in his way. You will have way more joy as you endeavor to be an encouragement to him, building him up and entrusting his role as husband to God. You are not his Holy Spirit. Second, spend some time reflecting on this question- “What am I afraid will happen if he doesn’t lead well?” Fear is driving you to “help” much. Don’t let fear be the thing that drives you. Your husband is not powerful enough to derail God and His plans for your marriage and life. Praying for you right now:)

    • ELAINAH WILLIAMS on September 3, 2020 at 10:02 am

      Hi, I responded to a Facebook ad for a free 6 week challenge to do kickboxing. I scheduled a free consultation and on the day of I asked my husband and daughter to go with me and my husband said no but my daughter said yes. Upon arriving I was greeted by a Asian guy who ended up giving me the free consultation. He ended up explaining to me about the challenge and that you had to put down money and at the end of the challenge you get it back. So then I explained I could not afford the requested price so he suggested a membership and would still allow me to do the challenge under the membership. I then asked my daughter if she wanted to do kickboxing and then called my husband to ask the same and they both said yes. I then signed all 3 of us up for a family plan that I worked out with them. A few days later my husband all of the sudden starts asking me why do I want to do the kickboxing and i explained it was for the 6 week challenge and how it can help my health. He said no it has got to be somebody there you know. I said the only person i have met is the asian guy who gave me the consultation and 1 other lady. He then told me it is somebody there I like and there is a reason I want to do the kickboxing. This ends up getting worse to the point that my husband believes I am cheating with this Asian guy. I dont know his name or anything about him. I just signed up for a class is all I did. My husband then begins to get aggressive with the situation really believing I cheated on him. I remind you my daughter was there so now he is also accusing me of cheating in front my daughter. He then got really aggressive with my daughter and made her cry and eventually she was forced to say mommy cheated just to get him to stop. So now that she said it he really really believes it. Nothing ever happened and I dont even know anything about this man not even his name. I told my husband that and he said that is even worse I am having sex with someone and dont know his name. He has even gotten to the point where he has said I am blaspheming God for lying when I pray and ask God to help me because I didn’t do anything. God sees all and knows I didnt do it. I asked him to pray and ask God to reveal and he said God already revealed because he had a dream that I was having sex while he was on the phone and he kept calling my name and I wouldn’t stop having sex and just kept going. So because he had that dream he believes I did it. He felt that was God revealing and told him but that doesn’t make since because God does not lie so he would not give you a dream like that revealing that. I even went to downtown atlanta area and there is a street called marietta st, the kickboxing place is located in Marietta ga so he thought marietta st was in Marietta ga and he thought I was with this guy cheating again. This has separated me and my husband and he is a now calling me and begging to confess that I did it so that he can forgive me. I dont know anything about this man to even begin to even make up a story if I wanted to. This never happened and I dont know what to do to get my husband to leave this alone. I dont want to lose him to something that never happened. We have been together 15yrs and he keeps crying that he doesn’t want to go. He just wants me to confess. But if I confess, it would be a lie and then I dont even have a story. I dont know what to do. I need some suggestions on how to handle this. The kickboxing place keeps calling me for their money not even knowing what’s going on and I signed a 12 month contract with them and all they want is for me to bring my whole family to start the classes and I dont want to bring this drama to their place of business. What can I do? I dont know how to deal with my husband at all or what to do about the kickboxing place. I need advice please help.

      • Nesrin Demiricak on September 21, 2020 at 5:03 am

        Hi Elainah, don’t do lie please! Don’t be afraid, don’t give in to another person the control! To me this is a game he plays to gain control in you ! Trust God! He knows your heart and He always looks after you! I am a woman with strong will but at the same time very gentle and tendency to be control by men! I suffered so much all my life because of men! But now I SAY NO for that! May be Lord wants us to protect ourself from nasty people!

  16. Samantha on May 5, 2020 at 6:36 am

    But what does it look like for a husband to lead? The problem is that while I agree with all these concepts in the abstract, I’m not sure how to identify them in daily life. I’ll be getting married next year and I want to be sure we have all that we need to have a strong marriage in Christ.

  17. Kelly on June 18, 2020 at 7:08 pm

    Gross. People still talk like this in 2020?
    Reminds me of Giliad. So sad but explains a lot.

  18. Nesrin Demirocak on September 21, 2020 at 4:47 am

    I gave my heart to Jesus volunterily 15 years ago! 2 years later I met to a gentleman who is coming from Catholic background but he said he is not practising! Because of loving Jesus Christ and wish to learn more about God I was so open that I wish to have life partner in the same way! He said he is! We were married..first 2 years he was very kind than everything slowly changed than 2 months ago I just realised that I was married to Psycopath!! I was so paralysed with founding ! No wonder I was using high dose of antidepressant, anxiety attracts, sleeping pills last 10 years! I just made the decision to save my well being recently ! I left him 2 weeks ago! That shattered my heart but he seems very calm! Ready for next victim! WAKE UP PEOPLE!! Love your God but don’t believe the stupid advises like fallow your husband ! That is sick!

  19. George on April 13, 2021 at 12:57 am

    Hi there,
    Believing in God is a wonderful thing and brings peoples a purpose and fulfillment in life. Many people, however, are idealising the concept of deity (God) followed by an expectation that the God will solve all the problems that are exclusively man-made. Furthermore, having a partner/husband who is a controlling psychopath, or worst, has nothing to do with deity because if that would be the case, it would be in a direct contradiction with the concept of godhood. According to the Bible, God created us to his own image, and that’s the most common set of believes the Christianity follows; it, however, raises a question: ….. is the psychopathic partner/husband the gods creation too, or is there some another interpretation of the Bible. Yes there is.
    In Christian theology there are two main ideas which define a role of God as the Creator. They are called “Theism” and “Deism” and the key difference between Theism and Deism are schools of thought dealing primarily with the presence of God and his role in human lives. Theism is the belief that at least one god exists and that he created the universe and is governing it for eternity. Deism, however, is the belief that a god exists and is a creator of the universe at large, but is not involve in our daily lives and the decisions we make about what we do, or not. The former (Theism) is a deterministic concept which doesn’t offer any answer to the question we asked earlier; such a concept would imply that it is God’s will that your partner/husband is a psychopath and jerk, and no shrink or psychiatrist can do anything about it . The latter (Deism) would simply indicate that your psychopathic husband is a candidate for a visit to a shrink or a psychiatrist. To follow this line of thoughts, you as a victim will have to make a decision about you future, and the future life pathways and experiences you want to take. Just a suggestion; an Utilitarian concept of universal happiness is not a bad start.

  20. Rosie on November 12, 2021 at 10:02 pm

    I am married for 17 almost 18years.. i felt so alone having to deal with a cold, distant husband following only his mother’s advises. I get tired and frustrated. He stopped attending his weekly bible study and would not attend church since pandemic occur. I always ask myself to submit in this man who can hardly act on his own will and would not respect me as a wife. I would try to stay sometimes in my parents house just to avoid his cold treatment and follow his mother more than ask for my opinion.

    When he ask opinions he would be in rage when he learned that your opinion be different from his. I got so disappointed i failed to realized that he is such a narc and i have to deal with my own loneliness because we slept in different rooms. My christian friends would always validate me saying to obey and submit to him.. and this is always a big confusion to me. Needing advise please.

  21. FemmAllure (Lis) on December 3, 2021 at 8:26 am

    This is quite shallow. While I do believe wives should learn to let their husbands lead, it’s not as trivial, shallow or black and white as you’ve made it seem. The Bible does tell you to let your husband lead and that you should follow but it also says as you follow the lord. Let me ask you this: if your husband is leading you down a oath away from gods word, should you as the wife simply follow? Or should you “defy” his leadership so you can follow the lord? I personally believe the latter.

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